Do whatcha wanna

Rejecting "Mandatory Fun Times"

Today in New Orleans, we enter “Deep Gras,” the epic crescendo of activity and revelry that precedes Mardi Gras day.

Attending parades and parties, you could easily engage in uninterrupted celebration between now and Tuesday.

I was once so committed to this season, I made a color coded spreadsheet that provided a 6-day overview of each family member’s costume plans, costume status, and the predicted weather.

This is go time.

Or not.

This year, I haven’t even gotten my hot glue gun out. Other than selecting the household king cakes, I haven’t dedicated much time or energy to this carnival season, usually my favorite time of year.

The world is on fire. The news cleanse I took on vacation had me bracing for impact the moment I connected to the internet. What new horrors would there be to behold?

Coming home from Mexico, I found myself wondering if my queer identity would one day make it more difficult for me to get back into the country.

The situation is so bleak, I’m once again in the confusing position of calling my elected officials to advocate for part of the government to shut down, including FEMA whose resources are vital during natural disasters.*

I suspect once I start assembling my costumes, I’ll get into the carnival spirit, but I’m not putting pressure on myself.

Years ago, I wrote a popular newsletter about “Mandatory Fun Times.”

Mandatory Fun Times occur when there are high expectations of constant collective delight, expectations which will almost definitely not be met.

Everything from prom, to Valentine’s Day, to weddings can become Mandatory Fun Time. Once they do, they can feel isolating and shameful: if you’re not utterly jubilant throughout Mandatory Fun Time, you’re doing it wrong!

Mardi Gras comes with a high risk of Mandatory Fun Times.

For me, pivoting from Mandatory Fun Time to Actually Fun Time is all about recognizing and naming my needs in the moment.

If I’m craving a slower pace, I want to listen to that instinct. Or when the siren song of Mardi Gras magic calls to me and pulls me out of my malaise, maybe I’ll just reprise or repurpose old costumes rather than stressing about making something brand new.

There can be real delight in distracting myself from hardship—a healthy reset and reclaiming can happen. But I’m no longer forcing myself into it because I feel a sense of obligation.

To quote Rebirth Brass Band, “Do Whatcha Wanna.”

And whether you want to party or stay home this weekend, please call your elected officials. :)

Mardi Gras love,
Lelia

PS The buddy system has been wildly helpful in getting me to make my daily calls. I text my bestie each time I make my calls, and she does the same. We celebrate one another accordingly, as seen below and shared with her permission.

Context and a script from 5calls.org is below.

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*Context from 5calls.org

In early February, Congress passed a government funding deal that included a 2-week continuing resolution (CR) for DHS while fully funding the remainder of the government.

Congress now faces a February 13th deadline to pass a new appropriations bill for DHS. Failure to pass further funding will result in a shutdown of the department.

Recent atrocities committed against both immigrants and citizens under the Trump administration have drawn attention to abuses of power by Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) and Customs and Border Protection (CBP). A whistleblower recently revealed an internal DHS memo authorizing ICE agents to enter homes without a judge-signed warrant, in a flagrant violation of the Fourth Amendment. However, these abuses are hardly new. Since ICE and CBP were established in 2003, these agencies have terrorized immigrant communities, conducted unconstitutional border checkpoints, torn apart families, denied immigrants their due process rights, and subjected detained immigrants to physical, sexual, and mental abuse. The killing of Renee Good in Minnesota was the 9th ICE shooting since September 2025.

ICE also received an influx of billions of dollars in additional funding from the so-called “One Big Beautiful” bill. The bill placed no guardrails or conditional oversight on the use of this money, essentially creating a $75 billion slush fund for ICE to continue their violent attacks on communities across the country.

Call on your representatives to block any DHS appropriations bill or Continuing Resolution (CR) that maintains funding for ICE or CBP, or fails to hold these agencies accountable for their violent lawlessness.

SCRIPT

Hi, my name is [NAME] and I’m a constituent from [CITY, ZIP].

I’m calling to urge [REP/SEN NAME] vote against a Continuing Resolution for DHS and only support a funding bill that includes significant changes to ICE and Border Patrol. These agencies are recklessly endangering the American public and must be reined in. The necessary changes I would like to see enacted include…

[Choose any number of the following]:

• A zeroing out of ICE’s appropriations funding, (and)

• A repeal of H.R. 1’s $170 billion slush fund for ICE and Border Patrol, (and)

• A requirement that agents remove their masks and show identification, (and)

• A ban on arrests without judicial warrants, (and)

• A ban on roving patrols, racial profiling, and arrest quotas, (and)

• A ban on agents’ access to polling locations, schools, day cares, medical facilities, and other vulnerable locations, (and)

• A return of Border Patrol officers to the border, (and)

• Independent inspectors and oversight of all detention facilities to ensure humane treatment of detainees, (and)

• A ban on the detention and deportation of children, (and)

• A ban on the use of surveillance technology to track people, (and)

• An end to the use of deadly force and the detention and deportation of U.S. citizens and lawfully present immigrants.

I expect Congress to do their job to enforce these laws and demand the investigation and prosecution of agents who break them.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

IF LEAVING VOICEMAIL: Please leave your full street address to ensure your call is tallied.