I got married!

She's a gem.

Xiaobs told me she was looking for “something casual” when we first started dating.

Three weeks later, I told her I was falling in love with her. She said the same.

Three months later, I told my friends I wanted to marry her.

Three years later, I did.

The road to marriage was that straightforward.

It was also complex.

As I’ve written about my divorce before, it was a difficult season of life, and one I don’t hope to replicate. The decision to get married again so quickly after my divorce required deep discernment.

I wanted more time, but the realities of our political landscape expedited the decision.

Last August, Hillary Clinton predicted the fall of marriage equality and encouraged people in committed LGBTQ relationships to get married. This was already on our radar, but Clinton’s comments validated our worries. The attorneys and experts we consulted agreed with her assessment.

Xiaobs and I talked about it a lot. I journaled about it and discussed it with my friends and therapist. Ultimately, I recognized three factors: I wanted to marry Xiaobs. This timeline wasn’t what I would’ve chosen in a vacuum. Given the terrifying realities of this world, there’s no one I’d rather have at my side.

With these facts in mind, I realized I wanted to get married and access the associated legal protections—while we still could.

Xiaobs had a conference in Boston, which we’d already turned into a fun family trip with my mom and our son…a trip that would now include a wedding.

The day of the wedding, the justice of the peace invited the people getting married to sit on the sofa in front of her.

Without hesitation, our then six-year-old sat smack in the middle of the couch. Xiaobs and I sat on either side of him, all of us holding hands.

Our kiddo stepped aside to get the rings from my mom, but when it was time for Xiaobs and I to kiss, he raced over and buried his face between us, kissing both of our bellies.

It was perfect.

Before the wedding, I worried it would feel rushed or like I hadn’t thought it through all the way.

Instead, the feeling that washed over me was relief. This warm sense of safety that I get to be with my person. In this horrifying landscape, we’re as protected as we can be.

Every time I get to say “my wife,” I feel like I’m bragging. I feel proud to be partnered to Xiaobs and to move through life as co-parents and companions.

Xiaobs thought she wanted something “casual,” so I once asked her if she thought I trapped her. She laughed, acted like she was in a mousetrap, and said enthusiastically, “More cheese please!”

Cheers to more cheese,
Lelia