Mandatory fun times
Valentine’s Day and Mardi Gras are around the corner — are you feeling the pressure?
This week, I’ve reprised and adapted one of my most popular essays, which has been top of mind for me lately.
We’re officially in the midst of Carnival season here in New Orleans. Tomorrow begins “Deep Gras” the epic crescendo of activity and revelry that leads up to February 13 — Mardi Gras Day this year.
While it’s a beloved holiday for this 5th generation New Orleanian, Mardi Gras always risks becoming “Mandatory Fun Time.”
Mandatory Fun Times occur when there are high expectations of constant collective delight—expectations which will almost definitely not be met.
My friend Wendy would tell you that Mandatory Fun Times come with a high “expectation to disappointment ratio.”
Everything from prom, to Valentine’s Day, to weddings can become Mandatory Fun Times. Once they do, they can feel isolating and shameful: if you’re not utterly jubilant throughout Mandatory Fun Time, you’re doing it wrong!
When we’re at a parade or party and it’s no longer fun, peer pressure or FOMO can keep us in place. Maybe we had a big Valentine’s Day planned out with our besties, but day-of we’re PMS-ing hard and just not feeling it.
We get a case of the “shoulds”, forcing ourselves to try and rally, to find the fun.
We want to want to be there, even though we actually don’t.
Rather than making decisions based on what I’m “supposed” to want or how I wish I felt, I want to focus on my desires in each moment.
For me, pivoting from Mandatory Fun Time to Actually Fun Time is all about recognizing and naming my needs in the moment.
During Carnival time, this means staying home if I don’t feel festive at the moment. If I’m already out, pop in ear plugs and give myself permission to leave when I want.
My efforts to reduce this event-based anxiety and disappointment has made finding Actually Fun Times (pictured below) far more frequent.
To quote Rebirth Brass Band, “Do What You Wanna” (in the moment).
Do you relate to Mandatory Fun Times? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Hugs,
Lelia
New Year's Eve was my Mandatory Fun Time. I'd attend or throw some elaborate party, wear a fancy and completely uncomfortable dress, barely eat because of said dress, drink champagne that made my stomach hurt, and watch the ball drop with this intense feeling of missing something. A few years ago, I finally told my husband I felt like NYE was always a letdown, and I didn't want to try to "do the most" on this holiday anymore. Turned out, he totally agreed. Now we stay home and spend the evening just the two of us, wearing PJs, eating whatever we want, drinking whatever we want, watching whatever we want. It's perfect.
Great reminders! I'm scaling down my mandatory fun as I read!